I locked a DVD case by accident…

I try to open a DVD case that has one of those awful locks that stores used to put in DVDs for 14 minutes.

Original caption: Unscripted antics featuring the cancer of home entertainment: those locks in DVD keep cases.

Transcript

Most people just use magnets but I keep forgetting to buy them.

Now I don’t do a lot of stupid things, but when I do them, they’re pretty darn stupid. For example today this happened. This is The Grand Budapest Hotel on DVD. I decided, well, I have the DVD, it’s still wrapped in the cellophane. I’ll go buy the Blu-Ray. Great.

So going downstairs, I grabbed my little nail tool thing. It’s like nail clipper, but it has this attached. So I guess he can get shit out of your toenail. And I use it to cut the plastic and I did that. And in that that’s the lock there. The blurry thing, the red thing that that’s the lock, it wasn’t locked. But somehow I managed to pull the thing like the hook. You can’t really see it the hook. Like got jammed in the case and it might pull the thing down. So now the case can’t be opened.

Like this. This is why to just let me steal your shit. Like the kind of people who would go through the effort of stealing a DVD also the kind of people who would be crafty enough to rip it out of the case.

Now you’re out of the case. You’re out of the prison

I think one time I had Yes, Jimmy brought home a Xbox 360 game and I spent a good hour cutting open the case and cutting around the disc so I could get the disc out. And it worked. So it didn’t like this isn’t gonna stop me, I could grab magnets according to this [article].

You get magnets. You get them and you just [you just] get strong magnets and you just push it. Like what’s the Why? Why? Why make me do this? I paid $25 $25 for this DVD. It’s not even HD like this one. I don’t have the price anymore. Oh, yeah. Do I have their safe? This one? That’s not the right receipt. I do not have the receipt. But the point is, is that that one was cheaper. This one was cheaper. And yeah, I get it two years later. But look! It opens! Hallelujah and opens this way. If you get the cellophane off before I locked it, I locked it remember not JB Hi-Fi I spent more money getting a lot DVD. A DVD I personally liked I spent more money getting that. Sure throw it off from the upstairs up there keep all my DVDs but I don’t deserve this, do I?

I mean, I still get the movie and possibly more special features and the higher resolution better audio on this — This! Oops! I dropped it again! It doesn’t matter since it’s not really worth the $25 spent on it now like I can’t even get a lock on it. Maybe I could like carefully pry the case open.

That’s not working. I have empty cases. My empty cases! I have an empty case. We are still ahead of you. Fucking Blu-Ray Nazis! I have an empty case. I have a slightly cleaner useless case. We first start by carefully pulling out the — that’s not working — we start by just tearing the thing apart; That’s not working either.

I’m getting a different case this one’s dirty!

We are going to rip this fucker open we’re going to take it out I guess I could just grab you can try the magnet techniques I have magnets so like — this isn’t gonna work

When I might have in stupidity might be ingenuity! We’re just gonna smash the fucker out!. I had a flathead somewhere [and a hammer]!

Now, the um, the goal is to do it as — ply it! — The goal is to do it as carefully as possible as though not to smash the disk.

So first we pry the fucker open.

Can’t see me doing this. But we find a weak spot.

This case I think it’s the top corner trying to snap off something. No Okay, now that I think it’s working, I’ve slightly snapped the top.

Yes, I’ve got one latch off. Nup, it’s closed again. But I we go latch off, so that’s nice.

Pretty sure the point of this is to make it physically impossible for me to do that [pry the latches open]. I know I’ll just bend the latches off.

Muahaha!

This is absolutely insane. So these latches on the corners.

Yes,

We broke a latch, huzzah!

Now, I thought I’d be doing this for like a budget movie, not like one that people actually care about. But — there we go- oh shit it closed again.

[Typing on Google] Pry open DVD case, how to unlock a DVD case with the Red-Green Lock type.

[unintelligible speaking from video which tells viewer to shove a dart onto a tab in the corner of the case]

Of course, we just have to look for a tab that’s probably covered by the case. Where was it on this case?

So there’s a dart with, like, a tab. I can’t see the tab I’ll probably break it. But hey, if I can get the case open without breaking the fuck out of it, then I guess we have a better option.

Here’s is a simple tutorial.

Here’s a knife. Just gonna use your fingers to pry open the top of the case.

Video playing in background

Yeah, that works on a Blu-Ray! There is no top of the case [on a DVD].

Now, carefully pry down the side.

Yeah, that would work on a Blu-Ray but there’s no top — there’s no top on it. There’s no top on a DVD case, this literally cannot work. Why would you not take out the thing. What I’m trying to do is push the thing back out.

As you can tell my strategy isn’t working. This person might have a better option.

Hey, everyone, you know what it’s like when you’ve got a movie. And it’s like, oh–

Yeah, it’s in a Blu-Ray case!

[unintelligible sounds from video]

Oh, those things that you can’t see! We just need to push those down. That didn’t work.

This is a project done in vain.

I know since I’m tossing this case out anyway, I can just cut along here and just cut along there. Then cut the case open.

All right, off you come — come to pappa outer casing! You might be much nicer than the cheapo recycled one I have!

Gonna grab some nail scissors or something — or just use nail clippers.

To cut.. and.. basically circumcise the damn thing without touching the meaty goodness.

Look at this, look at this! Out you come!

Yes! Beautiful. Now– Now we can see what we’re doing. Except now we have nothing on the case.

It looks like those tabs that we can push break. So when you’re breaking open a DVD case like this, and just replacing it with another one you don’t really care about– Ow! I punched myself!

So here we have the outer casing — Finally, we can put that into another DVD case. But now we have to work out how to get this open.

What I’m going to suggest is that I smash the fuck out of the top here. And that should allow me to rip out the front. [hammering]

Well, this is actually harder than I thought. Oh, it’s cracking. I’ve got it! So we’ve cracked the case. Now to get some pliers, I had pliers on my bedside table. I have lots of weird stuff here.

Looks like we’re just gonna have to do more smashing.

It’s like chiseling!

Alright, I have the case open! It’s no– it’s really sharp! I– I have the power! except like I need, I need scissors.

Where are my scissors? I really need them so I can get my DVDout of the case that I paid for!

Hey I found the pliers now I can just pull on it!

Moment of truth: that just ripped a piece off! –and piece isn’t coming off! We just need to rip enough so I can get the disc out.

This is the dangerous part where you just rip the fucking thing to shreds. This is– most people will just use magnets but I keep forgetting to buy them. This is like really dangerous to some– alright more smashing! More cracks! Like pork crackle! There we go. We’ve cracked some off! We cracked a significant portion of the front of the case! Possibly enough to get the discount if we’re careful– nup, not enough just yet. But I should be able to carefully snap more pieces off by reaching quite far, again being careful not to touch the disk. I should be able to get enough out–

Smash more on the other end, that should do it! That’s not working we have reached the limit. All right, Grand Budapest Hotel your mine! After like six months of more than a year of being mine but like now now you’re out of the case. You’re out with the prison for which you’ve been subject– oh that snapped off that wasn’t very good.

Hey, hey, you like case manufacturers in the time it would take me to get this off I could have fuckin sold the DVD!

I think this is the point where we need scissors. Oh wait no more than half the disk is out.

Huzzah! Grand Budapest Hotel, you are mine! And unfortunately you lost your house in the process but the disk is completely fine. There’s no scratches on the disk. Which means this this whole locking mechanism is pointless because I could still get to the goods and like pass off — I forgot one of my cases where is the– I had a case!

Well, the point is I now have the goods the front cover in the desk. So while that took me a few hours, I could sell this now at a profit assuming I stole it. Which I didn’t I swear to God I didn’t. Not that God has been someone I particularly well known for swearing to but now I can just grab an empty case. Shove a disk in it and get the paperwork in there. And low and behold that entire mechanism was pointless. Assuming I can get the paper in.

I guess it doesn’t quite matter, like is DVD theft really a problem these days, Fox-slash-whoever the fuck put that on there?

I mean all it took was me smashing the fuck out of the case with this flathead screwdriver and a hammer. And now I have your movie in a flimsier a case but the case is still locked. Like come on who designed this shit.

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